Fish Fear Me

Cat Control

It's time my friends. Time to stop denying the obvious. Time to end the wanton slaughter and the tragic deaths. Time to end the terrible toll due to the unregulated ownership of...

...cats.

An economist in New Zealand named Gareth Morgan has made the logical and quite correct case that his island nation should eliminate its cats in order to protect its endangered birds. He means “elimination” in the most humane way possible: Existing pets should be spayed and neutered and allowed to live out their lives, but no new cats should be allowed to be born or imported.

But, but, but, that couldn't be true, could it?

“If we extrapolate the results of this study across the country and include feral cats, we find that cats are likely killing more than 4 billion animals per year, including at least 500 million birds. Cat predation is one of the reasons why one in three American bird species are in decline,” said Dr. George Fenwick, President of American Bird Conservancy, the only organization exclusively conserving birds throughout the Americas.

I know this will be painful and distressing for many of you, but it is time for some real cat control in this country. Therefore, today I call for a ban on the sale and breeding of domestic cats. If it saves just one bird it will be worth it.

I don't want to take your existing cat, let me be clear about that. Existing cats will be grandfathered in. However, under my proposal within one year you will have to undergo a background check to prove you are fit to own a cat, be certified that you are properly trained in cat safety, and confirm that your cat is spayed or neutered and registered in the National Cat Registry. You may sell or transfer your cat, but only after a background check is performed at a federally licensed pet store. The goal here is to dry up the supply of these cats over time.

I know, I know, many of you will protest that you are responsible cat owners and no bird has ever been harmed by any cat that you owned, but there are simply too many irresponsible cat owners out there and the carnage in our yards and parks has simply got to stop. 

I know many of you feel strongly about the right to own a cat, but we cannot mistake absolutism for principle. I also know this will be difficult.  There will be pundits and politicians and cat food lobbyists publicly warning of a tyrannical, all-out assault on liberty -- not because that’s true, but because they want to gin up fear or higher ratings or revenue for themselves. Filthy profit. And behind the scenes, they’ll do everything they can to block any common-sense reform and make sure that half a billion birds are senselessly murdered each year in America(the moral degenerates).

The only way we will be able to change is if their audience, their constituents, their membership says this time must be different -- that this time, we must do something to protect our communities and our birds. 

Thank you.

This message has been sponsored in part by the Modest Proposal Society of America.

I Know How To Fix This

I have no doubt that this will happen, the question is to what extent:

Tax pros now fear that tax evasion could go viral if the health-reform bill’s new 1099 requirement takes effect next year. They say more small businesses will likely opt to do all-cash transactions under the table to avoid the 1099 reporting requirement, and all of its onerous provisions, which are worse than small businesses may realize.

That's the direct opposite effect of what lawmakers had hoped for, and it would pose a bad development for the Internal Revenue Service, which for years has been under pressure from Congress to bring in more tax revenue. That revenue is needed now more than ever, as Social Security and Medicare teeter into the red, and as more states rely on federal revenue to fill their budget holes. 

The article goes on to report that uncollected federal taxes may be as high as $290 billion this year. Making even more people fill out even more time-wasting paperwork is not the answer. We live in a progressive and digital age and there lies the answer. With my modest proposal we can dramatically improve tax compliance and make life simpler for the American taxpayer:

1. Abolish all cash and coins. Cash is evil. It enables all sorts of crimes, from tax evasion to illegal drug purchases. In our time of instant processing of debit and credit cards cash is simply not needed. There are perfectly legal uses for cash right now that are more convenient to the individual, but alternatives can be developed. The good for the state(and what's good for the state is good for all of us) in the elimination of cash, as I will show in a moment, far outweighs any minor inconvenience to mere individuals.
2. Through the US Treasury Department, create individual income accounts based on social security number or business tax ID. All income must be sent to and received by one of these accounts, without exception. Every. Last. Cent. Wages, salaries, tips(think how much money the government will save just by closing that loophole!) interest...everything. Private bank accounts will not be forbidden, in fact they will become mandatory for each person or business, but they can only receive deposits to an account from a federal government individual income account. No other source is allowed. Want to give a friend or family member some money? Just drop it in their individual income account with a couple of clicks on your PC, or maybe someday a cell phone.
3. By tracking income type, the federal government can also help state and local governments close the gaps in their own income and sales/use tax enforcement that is costing those entities tens of billions of dollars each year.
4. The tax code would have to be simplified somewhat, but no more hassles with forms for individuals or businesses. Just log into your individual income account by the beginning of the year and set the deductions that you are eligible for. The system will calculate all of the correct taxes as the income comes in and forward what is left to your designated private bank account. 

Safe, secure, and hassle free. What's not to like? No, I haven't forgotten about barter and how people will be tempted to that. That can be countered though, with education about how barter equals stealing from the government which is really stealing from all of us and draconian, but unfortunately necessary, punishment for barter crimes. 

It is unconscionable that tax evasion is costing government at all levels hundreds of billions of dollars each year. We can deal with that though, in a way that doesn't add even more of a paperwork burden on Americans.