TISPDWPTGB

Congratulations, Brian Palmer! You're the latest member of The International Society of People Dave E. Wants to Personally Tell to Get Bent!

Food is responsible for 10 to 30 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions. By many estimates, cooking represents more of a meal’s carbon footprint than transport. For certain vegetables, it accounts for more emissions than agriculture, transport and disposal combined.

Fourth of July, the national celebration of combustion, presents an opportunity for atonement.

Well sure, because what says atonement better than celebrating Independence Day?

You have to read the whole thing to get the full amount of stupid, but I'll share this too:

Consider potato salad: a pale mixture of boiled potatoes and mayonnaise that is sometimes appetizing but always wasteful. An overwhelming majority of the energy in boiling goes into heating the water rather than cooking the potatoes.

I pity the fool who not only had a mother who obviously couldn't make a decent potato salad, but is also too lame to make it himself or even find a decent deli. 

And do you think that at some point an editor at the Times might briefly rise above whatever fog envelopes him or her and realize that heating the water is what cooks the potatoes? If the carbon freaks have gotten to the point where they are starting to bitch about how we each cook our freakin' potatoes then they really have jumped the shark.

There's even more smarmy, nitpicking, asshole goodness at the link. Brian Palmer: "The stupid, it burns" was built for you.

And listen, Brian, thanks for doing your part to release my inner crankitude. If you are ever in the Twin Cities just look me up and I'll be happy to deliver your verbal "Get Bent" personally. I'm generous like that. 

Thanks for playing.

Comments

[ricki]

My response to things like this story tend to take the form of three letters: FFS.

Do people like this Palmer guy seriously think that people are going to sit in the dark (using no electricity), crammed in their hot apartments (a/c is the devil to enviros, and apartments are the most "efficient" form of housing), not eating - or at least, not eating anything they don't grow organically on their roof or windowsill? Or is it all a smarmy preening "I'm better than you are because I drive a Prius" self-gratification essay?

The only way to cease doing "damage" to the environment is to cease to exist. And even then, one's decomposing body will release CO2.

You know, if we really lived a pre-Industrial lifestyle like these people suggest we should, we would have no one making these kinds of complaints: we'd all be too busy scrabbling around to try to find enough food to eat, too worried that that bacterial infection we contracted would kill us, and too tired from chopping wood to heat the house.

[Rob]

I am a moderate environmentalist. I cannot save the planet. I do what I can do providing it is not too expensive, inconvenient, or unsanitary. Responsible use of resources is a worthwhile cause in my view. This isn't. The greens need to learn to make contact before they start swinging for the fences. When I think emissions and pollution, the visual that has to pop into my head is of the smoke pouring out of a paper mill or the hazardous waste detected in the water table from a creosote plant. Asking people to give up or alter their backyard barbecues is way too big a swing and taking pot shots at beef and the beef industry just antagonizes everyone. People want to go green. Develop the products and services for doing so, make it practical and affordable, and let them do it at their own pace.

[Dave E.]

Exactly right, ricki. I think Palmer could use a month of pioneer living circa 1850.

[Dave E.]

I agree, Rob. I hate how some extremists have redefined environmentalist as "I really hate humans." I get the feeling sometimes that they really don't care about the environment, they're just control freaks.

[Mr. Bingley]

What a goober.

[Marie]

I ate a raw potato. Once.

[Kate P]

This man must have no joy in his life.

The corollary to this is that the local public radio station plays WORLD MUSIC all day on the 4th of July. "If we celebrate, we feel guilty."

[Dave E.]

I remember trying a piece or two as a kid, Marie. It didn't do anything for me either.

Kate-I was thinking the same thing. "Waste not, want not" is a virtue, but this guy just shows how extremism can turn any virtue into a vice. What a miserable way to live.

[tina]

I was just waiting for him to say the magical words - "go to the store and buy it". Oh and for those of us who are currently living in a burn ban area, charcoal grilling isn't an option.

[Dave E.]

tina-Heh...kind of like the guy with the sign that said "I don't use oil, I take the bus." Bummer about the charcoal, I hear fireworks are getting nixed around that area too.

[tina]

Dave - yeah, there's a lot of places not allowing the sale of fireworks.